Top 5 things you should never take on holiday

1. Huge Camera

What are you going to be photographing anyway, 360 degree panoramas of the Pyrenees at dusk? 90% of tourists probably aren’t going to be snapping anything more grandiose than their overpriced snack at a café or a sparrow perching on a gargoyle. Also it’ll attract thieves like moths round a flame. At least you’ll be able to swing it round your neck on its strap, like a barbarian brandishing a club, which could be a possible deterrent.

2. Money Belt

As I’ve mentioned before in a previous article, the reviled money belt is the most evil contraption of the holiday maker. They make everyone look overweight, paranoid, or both. Other than carrying the huge camera aforementioned, it’s the quickest way to announce to the world “I’m a tourist. Please rob me/cheat me/attempt to sell me worthless kitschy souvenirs” Also they’ll sap the romance out of your holiday faster than you can say: “Venere“.

3. Pencil and Notebook

As much as you may think yourself to be somewhat of an unique artsy-fartsy intellectual, anything you bring on Holiday to prove yourself one is likely to end up hypothetically slapping you in the face – anything as small as a notebook is sure to get lost in the abyss of your travel bag, and the accompanying pencil will likely burrow its way through your fresh pin-stripe shirt in the manner of a gerbil through sawdust. Take heed.

4. Fur Coat

Fur coats are a controversial subject these days. Exclusive?; yes, Expensive?; yes, Exploitative?; maybe. Does the animal get skinned alive or does it get killed first? And how would we like it if we were used for our skin? As well as the risk of being shunned by animal rights activists on the plane, it may also be irredeemably confiscated by airport staff, depending on which country you travel to. Why? Because although it’s about as dead as Tutankhamen, some countries won’t allow them in due to the fact that they may carry some new exotic type of disease or house a colony of bacteria. Gah!

5. Tinned Food

It was said that when Beatles drummer Ringo Starr went on his spiritual voyage of enlightenment to India, he took a week’s supply of canned Baked Beans just in case. He wasn’t the only one to adopt this practice either. Before the birth of the internet, there was no way to quickly check the honesty of the travel brochure, as well as a dire lack of McDonald’s.

But what with terrorism and baggage weight restrictions nowadays, even the most frightened or stingiest of tourists will have to resign themselves to the fact that bringing your own sealed food will cause either extreme embarrassment at the baggage scanner, or possible detainment on suspicion of carrying bombs. Although it just might save you some of your precious pennies, in which case you have our blessing.

Photo of statues of tourists in Indianapolis, IN originally posted by kimberlyfaye

Topic:  Top five Monday | 2 Comments
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About the author

Paul Crompton is an avid reader and has a passion for cars and technology, primarily. He loves traveling to whichever exotic travel location which is cheap. His dream is to become an advertising executive.