Although Confucius said “A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”, it’s important to think of all the other steps taken even before the journey can begin. Once you arrive at your destination, you wonder why you took all the bother in the first place to do what you did.
It’s hard to summarize all the joyful aspects of traveling, but some of the micro-events and mini-decisions only remembered by people like me (unfortunately) are the little things no one ever thinks of afterwards. I’ve categorized these thoughts into several sections.
The art of traveling is never a bed of roses. (Or a field of poppies, for that matter)
1. Will my bum look misshapen in this?
This one applies mostly to women. Simply put, is the underwear you’ve bought specially for travel going to be at all suitable for a 10 hour flight? Might it possibly be too tight or clingy? It’s probably best to pick something which is comfortable but not embarrassing (Granny’s”bloomers” aren’t going cope well in the event of a drink spillage) but wearing a thong could be like balancing on a cheese-wire in a few hours from now. The average guy can feel quite smug here, as we only have to bother with “those” gray-metal, macho boxers and we’re all set.
2. What should I read on the plane that won’t give off the wrong impression to the other passengers?
Come on, everyone’s done it. Choosing an airport novel may be one of the things you take the most time on, because we all know deep down that we don’t want the stranger who’s going to be sitting next to us the rest of the flight to get the wrong impression even before the first meal. It’s very important not to choose that incredibly geeky sci-fi novel and especially not the daring, sensual romantic tome that we so desperately wanted to flick through in the airport shop.
3. Should I wear a Money Belt to keep the Boarding Passes in or will it look ridiculous?
Sometimes known as a Fanny Pack in America, but never, I hasten to add, in Britain. Often known as the “socks-and-sandals” abomination of the travel world.
The continent you are in will depend on whether or not the sniggers and muffled laughter will fly. We all know the sheer practicality of it “I’ll never lose anything or get anything stolen with THIS round my waist” but also it makes everyone assume that you’ve put on the pounds and lost all sense of fashion or style.
4. Should I eat my airline meal with gusto, or should I gingerly nibble at it in order not to look disgusting?
I don’t know about the Venere Travel Blog reading masses but I do know that yours truly feels most self-conscious on a plane when about to tuck into my Beef Stroganoff. It doesn’t smell bad either, and once it’s finished I know I can move onto the petite but appetizing custard trifle without guilt. I have, in the past, received some rather disparaging looks from adjacent fellow passengers who evidently didn’t share my love of the carrier’s cuisine, reducing me to merely sampling the food as if I were a paranoid sparrow afraid of being poisoned.
Thanks for reading and may all your future travels be filled with memories and experiences of the epic kind!
Photo of Nha Trang Airport, Vietnam, originally posted by Ryan McFarland
Leave a comment